We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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