Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
