Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
