I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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