well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
