A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's always time for handjobs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you never un-have a 4some
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
