you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
