I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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