New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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