Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
