Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
