I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
