Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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