I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
