So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
