i just google imaged poop.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
