$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
