Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
