The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
