my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
