Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
