Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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