well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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