It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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