it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I deserve this hangover.
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