Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
