I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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