I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
