Jerry, you need to find god
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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