Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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