It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
