hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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