____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
