Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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