Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
