i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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