Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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