I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
