This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
