Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
