She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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