I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
