i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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