my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
