I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
