I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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