This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
