I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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