Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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