I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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