I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
